Finally ... a moment to exhale

I finally have a quiet moment to myself--the first one in several weeks. We've been going, going, going, so it's nice to sit and ponder. I had a bit of a rough night of sleep last night...tossing and turning, "night dreaming" of Madalyn and realizing it is going to take lots of time until we bring her home. I picked up our referral packet from our agency yesterday, and got to visit with our caseworker. She told me that Madalyn was just precious when she saw her in Guatemala two weeks ago. She specifically wanted to see her to check on her health, etc. To her delight, little "Maddy" was growing very well, so she felt very confident in referring her--to us!

I have been perusing postings on a Guatemalan adoption group--and it is quite overwhelming to see other parent's adoption schedules--some have adopted really fast, others really long. I know I need to limit my exposure to that information, for fear of growing anxious since Greg and I have no control over the process. I know in my heart of hearts that Madalyn will come home at His perfect time--when she's ready, and when we're ready. It's just hard for me to know that she's already here and I can't see her yet. It's amazing how fast the parental instincts kick in. Greg and I have been told that this is a great opportunity to take advantage of time with just the two of us--go on lots of (cheap!) dates, savor one another fully--because when baby comes, everything will readjust! Speaking of adjusting, I think Duke senses something. Greg and I keep trying to show him pictures of Madalyn and say her name to him--like he can really understand!! We're so silly! But, I think he will do fine.

Please be praying for our decisions in the next few days...our first of two installments to our Guatemalan attorney is due on Monday, so we're shuffling around to make that happen. Greg is amazingly peaceful about it...I am the one that's lacking a little in faith at the moment. But, I know the Lord has SUPREMELY guided every step on this wonderful, enriching journey...how could I question Him or this now? Forgive me, Lord, for grasping for control...please still my heart and show me the way. Lord, please take my mind--I give it over to you now--and let me rest in your hands. Please keep Madalyn so close to your heart today...please bless Sandra's hands as she tends to Madalyn's needs today. Thank you for all you are, the wonderful Creator--thank you for creating me to know you so deep now...thank you. Forgive me, Lord. You are the same yesterday, this day, and tomorrow--forgive my lack of trust in that. Keep my emotions in check and teach me through this to fully rely on you. God, I thank you now for the tears that I weep--knowing you hold them dearly in your hands. You know what it is like to be far from your child...to not be holding your only Son near. Thank you, Lord, for walking this path ahead of me--for roping me in, for sharing your love. You are my only comfort, you are my sustainer. May I continue to be strengthened to fulfill your Great Commission. May I love others selflessly, may I speak Truth to strangers...give Greg and I continued intimacy in our marriage to fully glorify you in all we do, and in all we are. Thank you for the preparation you will give us and the lessons we will learn from you this day--may the all the Power, Glory, Honor, Strength, Love and Praise be yours today. In your Son's Holy Name--Amen.